Lead, Follow, or Get out of the Way (before I run you down)

I am a fast walker. I am not some kind of little old lady speed walker, tearing through the mall on the tile paths laid out for me by thoughtful planners. But I walk quickly. I want to get where I am going, get my exercise done, whatever. So if you want to talk about what makes me cranky, the answer is SLOW WALKERS.

Listen, if you want to stroll hand in hand with your sweetie down the sidewalk that is great and I hope you two will be very happy together even though holding hands with someone just kind of makes me feel sad and clammy, because that is a lot of physical contact when you are just trying to walk somewhere and your hands are probably all sweaty, especially if you are wearing those insane smitten things, because it is still cold out. There’s no part of those that don’t look awkward and horrible.

However! As you amble hand in sweaty hand, I’m going to have to ask you to amble to one side so I can get by you, because I? am not am ambler.

On the same note, you horde of teenagers clustered in a group looking at each others cellphones in front of the Aeropostale and PacSun, cluster a little further out of the way if you will, please, I just want to get what I need and go home.

This goes for everyone, ever. Much like when you are on a moving sidewalk in an airport and you are supposed to stand to the right so people can pass you on the left, I believe this si a rule that should extend to all sidewalks, everywhere. Make room for the people who are going somewhere. If you do that, I won’t run your meandering butt over, and you won’t slow me down and we’ll all be a lot less cranky.