Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime

Oh Christmas music. I love you....and hate you.

Here is the thing. Christmas music makes me cranky in two different directions. Because  I really do love Christmas music. I personally own at least 25 CDs of nothing but Christmas music. It ranges from super traditional (I'm looking at you, Bing Crosby) to the...less traditional (hello, Klezmonauts. I can't even tell you how many copies of Oy to the World we sold at the bookstore I used to work at. Crazy stuff.) and everything in between (including N'Sync and the Barenaked Ladies. I'm diverse).

Here's what I don't own. Not one single version of the Christmas Shoes. Okay? Because it sucks. IIt's not the worst Christmas song ever. It's the WORST SONG EVER. And there are some strong contenders for that title, I know. But this is a song about a little boy, whose mother is dying, and he wants to buy her shoes. So that she can look pretty for Jesus. Take a moment and think about that. So she can look pretty for Jesus. Right. But he doesn't have enough money so he asks the man in line behind him, who is narrating the song, and kind of cranky, to pay for the shoes, so his mom can LOOK PRETTY FOR JESUS. And the guy does. And then narrates that the little kid was clearly sent by God to help this man relearn the meaning of Christmas. So...that would be the little kid whose mother is dying. REALLY? REALLY?

Ok. So I know that there is Christmas music that is a condemnation of all music. But...when the Christmas Shoes comes on? I don't go forth with a wailing and gnashing of teeth and swear that I hate Christmas music. I...change the channel. Turn the volume down. Hit skip on Pandora.

So this is a double cranky post (Two! Two! Two Cranks in one!). I am cranky about terrible Christmas music! (This includes Do They Know It's Christmas, and Wonderful Christmas Time) AND I am cranky about people who rag on all Christmas music and instead of just...changing the station, sit there and crab about how awful Christmas music is (I recognize the hypocrisy of that statement on this blog, but this is kind of my schtick, people). The Christmas Shoes makes me want to punch someone. Since original singers New Song are not available for punching, I turn the song off.

So instead of complaining about Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire (and if you've got a problem with Jack Frost nipping at your nose, please refer to my earlier post complaining about people who complain about the cold) turn it to a different song. I've always enjoyed the Boris Karloff version of the Grinch song, personally.

All Temperatures Fahrenheit (so don't make me come over there, Canadians)

I suspect that some of you may believe me to currently be hunched over my desk with a top hat a terrible muttonchops, muttering "bah, humbug" in the most ridiculously Scrooge-esque way possible, while depriving my work study students of the extra lumps of coal they need to keep themselves warm as they toil to craft ever more elaborate bulletin board decorations. But you would be wrong! (Except the part about the work study students. I am not buying a space heater for the reference desk, and if they're cold, they can keep their coats on like the rest of us.)

In truth, I love the Christmas season! This is despite my earlier diatribe about Thanksgiving getting the shaft. Just because I love Christmas doesn't mean it needs to start on Halloween, is what I'm saying.

It is snowing loads today and looking all nice and seasonal-y and I love it. It's sticking to the grass, not the streets, and is a balmy 25 (feels like 14) degrees out. So why are people throwing up their hands in despair, with a wailing and gnashing of teeth? It's December. The high this week is going to be 46 and we ought to be glad to get it. (Please note that none of these statements will prevent me from complaining about the 105 degree weather in July. Just so we're clear, I'm aware of the hypocrisy, I just don't care.) Anyway, as far as I'm concerned it could snow a few feet and I'd be happy as a clam. Possibly happier as no one has ever produced a convincing argument for unusually high levels of happiness in clams. Which I discovered I was allergic to this year! Where's the Reverb10 category for that? (What did I make this year? The discovery that shellfish gives me hives!)

Also, I realize not everyone celebrates Christmas. I'm sorry if you feel put upon by the omnipresence of this holiday. Yes, I know Jesus was probably born in the spring. I'm aware that Christmas was placed where it was on the Roman calendar to make it easier to co-opt the holiday from people celebrating the Solstice. If you currently celebrate the Solstice, I hope your holiday is lovely. I respect other people's holidays and traditions as best I can, and I hope that those people would be willing to do the same for me. So people who feel the need to pendantically use this time to point out everything that you believe is wrong with the Judeo-Christian tradition, and that you hate the Christmas Christmas Christmas that is in the stores this time of you...please take time out to quit crapping on my holiday spirit and suck it.

Happy Holidays!