THE POWER OF CRISP COMPELS YOU

This is just a reminder:

Cooked carrots are an abomination.

Thank you, that is all.

Hold that thought

So, it's NaBloPoMo once again and I had a real cute, pithy blog post that I was all ready to type up and post, but instead I am going to share with you a quick "mini-crank" in the moment. If I am actually standing by the bathroom, with my hand on the doorknob, about to go in, maybe. JUST MAYBE this is not the moment to strike a conversation. Just a thought.

I shall say no more, because enough has been said

Fun fact kids, freedom of speech does not mean that you have the right to say whatever you want without consequences. If you say something that reveals you to be a bigot, that is your legal right. It is MY legal right to disagree with you, and express that in my actions, such as not purchasing your product. Conversely, if you reveal yourself as someone with more liberal views, other people have the right to disagree with you, and express that in their actions. IT WORKS BOTH WAYS. That's the beauty of this wild and wacky country we live in.

CLICK HERE TO GET DEEPLY ANNOYED WITH THE FACT THAT YOU STILL AREN'T THERE YET

I HATE HATE HATE When someone posts a link on Twitter or Facebook or Livejournal or whatever other hellbound social media platform they are choosing to use and I am haplessly trying to follow and then their link goes to a page! That tells you that there is a link! And you click that link! And it goes to another link of a thumbnail or a page or picture and eventually I think...I DON'T CARE THIS MUCH ABOUT THE NEW WOLVERINE MOVIE NO MATTER HOW CUTE HUGH JACKMAN IS. COME ON ALREADY.

IN MY BARE FEET

GRUBS. I hate them. They are disgusting and they eat all the lovely plants in my garden. Those are for me to eat, dang it! Plus, you wanna talk about cranky? Try stepping on one of them barefoot. Blech.

In other news, all the other insects. Ever. Except maybe lightening bugs. They are the ok. But everybody else! Icky and cranky making. Terrible. AND THEY KEEP EATING MY PLANTS.

I am trying to be environmentally friendly, but soapy water only does so much and there was a grub! IN. MY. PEAS. RAWR.

Things that are making me cranky: a list

1) The last season of Eureka starts tonight. THE LAST ONE. Why you gotta do me like that, Syfy?

2) My back is still all janky.

3) The possibility that I know more than one person (and by know I mean might be related to) who may be literally certifiable

4) Revising an article I'm writing about a grant. I hate revisions. I haaaaate theeeeem.

5) My schedule for this week? Also janky. Inexplicably so. And getting worse. 

6) Baseball. I like baseball. I feel like I'm not very good at watching it? Like maybe I'm on the baseball shortbus because I don't really get all the statistics?

I WEAR MY SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT (because I am a douche bag)

So I blew it with NaBloPoMo, sorry guys. But here is a quick cranky moment.

Sunglasses. Inside. At Night. WHATEVER. Are you blind? Are you light sensitive? If yes, you are the only people who get a pass on this. If the answer is no CUT THAT CRAP OUT RIGHT NOW I AM NOT KIDDING.

Thank you, that is all.

Return of the Mini Cranks!

What am I cranky about today? My internet is up and down! Also, getting stuck behind the schoolbus in traffic. Also, when my shoelaces come untied. I got some new shoes with silk laces and it is not working out.

TAKE A MEMO

If you insist on doing things you know are stupid, don't be surprised when they turn out badly. You don't get to act like a moron and then throw your hands up into the air and say you don't understand what happened. What happened is, YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID.

Those pants are not pants!

Leggings are not pants. They are not a pants alternative. You must wear something other than leggings with your leggings. I don't care if you are a cute lil 8 year old or a 200 pound lady leggings are not a solo vehicle. Please bear this in mind when you dress yourself in the morning. PLEASE.

Can't keep a good crank down.

Well hello there. Been over a month, hasn't it? Sorry about that. Hope you're not too ...CRANKY with me. :) Please believe me when I tell you my silence does not mean the cranky has died. I have been plenty cranky in the last month. Family. Work. HEALTH ISSUES. All of these things have made me cranky. But I know that's not what you and I are here for. We're here for the petty crap that irritates us all on a daily basis (and by all I mean, I enjoy making sweeping generalizations, and seriously, how can this stuff NOT tick you off?).

First off - It is like a bajillion degrees out and what did I do? CAME FURTHER SOUTH FOR A CONFERENCE. It is two bajillion degrees here. WHAT was I thinking? And I was all excited because my hotel has a pool and I was finally finally finally going to get to go swimming. THE FREAKING POOL IS CLOSED. CLOSED. For CLEANING. It's a pool full of water! Dump in some chlorine and call it good - my hair is natural, it won't hurt the dye. Let's go, splishy splashy! And I have no idea if/when it is going to reopen, but either way, it's too late for swimming tonight! BOOOO.

AND. People, my place of work is searching for an employee this summer. We have had a ton of applicants, we've even made some offers. And yet, do we have a new person? No. Unemployed people are turning down this job. What the heck? WHAT. THE. HECK? I mean seriously. I don't get it. Is someone currently paying you money? No? Are we offering to pay you money? Yes? And yet...you've decided you want to continue with the previous way of life? Is that because you suck? Yes? Good to know! What is the problem wiht people. How do you turn down a job with a salary you can live on, excellent benefits, in a town with low low cost of living...in favor of...food service or unemployment? I do not get it.

And one final cranky thing for tonight. GOOGLE MAPS. WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM, GOOGLE MAPS? First you try to take me through backroads like I'm in freaking Deliverance and when I'm like "no way, man. I don't even play the banjo" you take me so far out of my way I actually crossed over the same river twice. WHAT IS THAT?

IMHO

Reminder: Having an opinion is not the same thing as being right.

Age is just a number

One of the things that makes me SUPER CRANKY is books that are described as "coming of age" novels. There is no faster way to kill my interest.

What happened to the days of all nighters?

Oh. I hate that I can't stay up late as I used to. I used to be a total night owl. It's barely past one, I have tomorrow off, and I am about to faceplant. I was trying to finish the hem on a new skirt, but I am not going to make it. The third time I stabbed myself I had to quit. How do thimbles even work? It's not like I only ever stab one finger.

ALSO could there be more commercials about Twilight? Or Eclipse? or whatever. Man, anyone who cares has probably already bought the movie and watched it 15 times. Enough with the advertising. Is Twlight's target audience really watching Food Network at 1 AM? 

I'm pretty sure this post is terrible. Sorry guys. Goodnight

talk about cranky...

Note to world: when a system is broken, the thing to do is fix it, not expect everyone to work around it. This applies to computers, politics and call numbers and basically everything else.

And also too....

I hate vacuuming, and I believe that carpet should be banned - BANNED I tell you! it looks so...bleh. blah. meh!

Also my team is kind of sicking it up tonight, and what the crap is that about, let's go, Wildcats!

Also, my elbows are already getting dry. It's gonna be a long dang winter if this is already happening. To say nothing of the hangnails I am getting. Ridiculous. The scaly patch between my eyes better not come back, that's all I have to say.

And also, apples don't work so fancy in bread. too wet. Darn it!

Also, sorting socks. That's another thing that makes me cranky. Like I kind of just want to get rid of all my socks and by new ones that are all the same so I don't have to match them anymore.

The itsy bitsy crankies went up the water spout, down came the rain and more cranky came out.

Some more small things to be cranky about:

People who tell terrible, racist/sexist/homophobic jokes, and then when you don't laugh, try to explain the joke. I understand the joke, it's just not funny. Explaining it doesn't make it funny.

When my milk goes bad before the expiration date. I am generally comfortable drinking a few days PAST the expiration date. Why is it going bad early? This is crap. I bet it was mislabeled or something. At any rate, it smells like cheese and tastes like puke.

The whole was Shakespeare really Shakespeare thing. How is this still a question. We know he was a guy. We know he wrote plays. So, why the question as to whether he wrote the plays attributed to him. And why the desire to attribute them to either Bacon or Marlowe? They were both famous authors in their own right, and Marlowe is still famous for his plays. If we have that much of a record for them, don't you think we'd know if they wrote these, or that some evidence would have appeared? I hate this theory. I think it's stupid and pointless.

The idea that women can't write good male characters and men can't write good female characters. Also stupid and pointless. Good writers write good characters.

Why hasn't anyone invented healthy fast food yet?  And PLEASE do not say Subway. Subway is the saddest freaking sandwiches on the planet, even if you do sometimes get a craving for them, you know the meat is just old enough to be shady and do you really trust the mayo? That crap isn't healthy. Low - calorie count is not the only requirement for health.

Ke$ha. I haven't heard any of her songs, but if she's so awful, maybe people should stop talking about her and then she wouldn't be famous anymore, maybe?

A litte bit cranky, a little bit....also cranky

A few cranky thoughts on things that are not what they pretend to be:

White Chocolate, you are not chocolate. You don't taste like chocolate. There is no cocoa in you. You are insufficiently delicious in comparison. You should find a new name. Like "white candy that tastes ok, I guess, sometimes, if you're in the mood for it."

Kleenex with Lotion, you are no Puffs Plus. I try to use you when I am sick, you do not sooth my nose, you make my nose sadder. You do not have enough of the lotions, and it makes me sad.

Country songs about how totally real and country you are. I love me some country music. And some songs about being country are awesome.



Some songs about how country you are are not awesome. That new song by the LoCash Cowboys. That's totally awful. ALSO, songs about how totally patriotic you are. Daryl Worley, I am totally looking at you. It can be done right! It can be done well. But that's probably not how you're doing it, so please, stop.