And you thought I was cranky BEFORE

Well, I just got back from the Drs. office, where I received my second dose of Depo Provera, the birth control shot. The next two weeks will be interesting, as after my first dose I spent that time in a state of total emotional disarray, constantly either TOTALLY HAPPY or in an absolutely irrational rage. And I realized even in the midst of that rage that it was irrational...and that only made me even more angry. Being self-aware ain't all it's cracked up to be.

But until the hormones kicked in, let's talk about the things that I am being rationally cranky about, like the fact that the doorbell at my job is broken and just takes random intervals to go off repeatedly and then stops as soon as maintenance comes to look at it. I'm pretty sure they think I'm crazy, based on the way he said "and do you hear the bells now?" (I'm kidding. That didn't happen. It was pretty strongly implied, but he didn't say the words.) (Gotta be honest about my crankiness, you know.) I can't decide if I think the doorbell or the maintenance guy is out to get me. Wait, this was supposed to be a rational rant. That means it's clearly maintenance that's out to get me as doorbells are inanimate objects.

Actually, I have a question about that. Doorbells move, when you push then. Does that make them animate objects? Same goes for cars, book carts and rolly chairs. Does inanimate mean that it isn't alive, or that it doesn't move? I NEED TO KNOW. Imprecise language makes me cranky. People who constantly harangue other people about grammar also make me cranky, although if you want to harass them about spelling, go with God.

That's all for now, but make sure you come back tomorrow, as I will have gotten my hair cut so will most definitely have something to be cranky about

NaBloPoMo!

So! It is National Blog Posting Month again! It is also National Novel Writing Month, again! Good luck with that, suckers! I'll be over here, blogging! Today  I am going to pretend to be a follower and actually respond to the NaBloPoMo official prompt "What is your favorite part about writing?"

Well, let's rephrase the question (ok, I am not a good follower, anyone who has ever seen me look at a recipe and go "eeeeh...let's just change a couple things" already knew that). How about we try "What is your favorite part about writing about crankiness?"

I LOVE my cranky blog, even though I sometimes neglect you. I love writing about being cranky because it gives voice to all the stupid, petty, TOTALLY RIDICULOUS nonsense that drives most of us crazy on a daily basis. Let's be honest, most days the stuff that makes "have a bad day" isn't the BIG STUFF it's the stupid small stuff that when we try to explain makes up feel petty for even talking about. But IT ADDS UP. So why hold it in? I love to write about being cranky because it let's me see the funny side, the hilarious side, the "did you see the stink-eye that woman gave me? COME ON." side of it all. If you can turn it into a funny story later, it wasn't so bad after all!

I think we (people in general and women in particular) feel compelled to put on a happy face (and seriously, if one more TOTAL STRANGER tells me to smile...BOOM! POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER!) and I think that is bull-malarky! It is okay to be cranky! It is better than okay! It is FANTASTIC. Embrace it! Don't push those emotions down until finally that jerk that cuts in front of you in line because he feels like it's ok to run people down to serve his need for an extra straw is what makes you snap! Let' it all out! Embrace your inner crank!

And if you need help...just keep stopping by the cranky blog...I got a million reasons to be cranky and I'm not afraid to clue you in.

Do you kiss your mamma with that mouth?

Cussin'! I recognize it as a necessary evil and I myself appreciate the application of a strategic swear on occasion (like the time I had what I'm pretty sure was a hormone related breakdown (a few days after my first depo shot) in my car when I couldn't find what I wanted in the mall. I am pretty sure I made up new cusses! And it is undeniable that cusswords can have way more impact than non cusses. I have tried not to cuss on this blog (because it isn't classy and you know a blog about all the ridiculous stuff that irritates me needs to be extra classy) but today I am breaking that self-imposed rule.

Y'all. I hate the word bitch. Sometimes people are bitches. This is a statement that is a statement of truth. Sometimes people are also assholes and calling them buttholes makes you sound likea ten year old. I get it. I do. But no one is trying to "reclaim" assholes. No one is out there going "I'm proud to be an asshole" (except for Michelle Bachmann (I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. Well, I could, but I didn't want to. I mean, come on.). But for some reason, people think they should reclaim bitch.

STOP IT.

Listen, the best you can say about bitch is that it is the appropriate term for a female dog. It has never been an appropriate term for a female human and therefore there is nothing to REclaim. There is no hidden past where being a bitch meant something awesome that we should try to reclaim the meaning to, okay? It was an insult to be called a dog.

SEE ALSO: Whore, Ho, Biotch, Slut and all variations thereof. Seriously. Cut that shit out.

Kids today (aka I am so old, aka don’t they got no fetching up, aka get off my lawn)

So as an academic librarian I am constantly exposed to TODAY’S YOUTH. And let me just say, what the hell? Do these kids parents no raise them to have any manners at all? So here is a list of things that because I am clearly so so old, make me absolutely crazy.

-          Wearing your headphones or earbuds or whatever you want to call them while talking to people, or trying to get away with only taking one out during class.  If you are talking to someone, please give them your full and total attention. If you don’t want to listen to what I have to say bad enough to take those things off, why should I listen to you, or waste my breath trying to talk to you?

-          Take your hats off inside.  That is so rude.  Do they not teach that that is rude anymore? And that includes your hoods, y’all. It is not raining inside, you do not need your hood up like that and you look like a moron/jerk. HOODS DOWN.

-          Does no one actually say “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me” anymore? I mean, seriously? Standing in the door of my office staring at me until I happen to look up my work and notice you doesn’t do anything but scare the pee out of me. A polite “excuse me, I need some help” goes a lot farther. Do not stick papers in my face and go “is this right” or interrupt me while I’m helping someone else to say “I need copies”. Ask politely!  It will make me actually care about what you need!

-          And on the subject of copies, there is such a thing as copyright! I understand that you don’t want to have to buy your own copy of a book. School books are expensive! But I am only allowed to copy 50 pages from any one document and that’s it! If we break those rules and we get caught they will take away our copier and then no one gets any copies! You are not so much more important than everyone else that you should be the reason that on one else gets any copies ever because you “REALLY NEEDED” those extra pages. Don’t whine!

-          Dress like a grown up. No. Not even that. Dress like a five year old if you want, but dress like a five year old whose parents actually care enough about them to dress them in clean clothes without holes in them. And while we’re at it, hygiene is good, and that includes showers, brushing your teeth and PLEASE GOD  washing your hands after you use the bathroom.

-          Show some respect. For yourself. For your classmates. For your professors. For the library equipment, for the other people using the sidewalks. For whatever poor soul you happen to encounter during the day.

-           If you think everyone on campus is rude or unfriendly, consider this, if you are walking along with your hood up, earbuds in, looking at your phone, you’ll never notice if someone says hello or smiles at you as you pass by.

TAKE A MEMO

If you insist on doing things you know are stupid, don't be surprised when they turn out badly. You don't get to act like a moron and then throw your hands up into the air and say you don't understand what happened. What happened is, YOU DID SOMETHING STUPID.

Those pants are not pants!

Leggings are not pants. They are not a pants alternative. You must wear something other than leggings with your leggings. I don't care if you are a cute lil 8 year old or a 200 pound lady leggings are not a solo vehicle. Please bear this in mind when you dress yourself in the morning. PLEASE.

Inconsistent Crankiness

Well, the truth is, I have been pretty consistently cranky for the past couple of months, but in ways not suited for a public forum, or rather about things I can't really discuss here.

However, one of the things that has made me cranky recently is basically just a fount of irrational rage. Actually, I'm basically just a fount of irrational rage in general recently, as I recently started taking Depo shots and I am having a truly lovely reaction to that massive influx of hormones.

I have also made the decision, after 7 glorious years wearing the same glasses, to break down and get new ones, because while my prescription remains at a near constant, I have finally managed to put a scratch in the lense I can't avoid looking through, because it's right down the middle.

Shopping for new frames FLAT. OUT. SUCKED. I went to  six different stores and tried on at LEAST 100 pairs of glasses. I do not enjoy this! It is not fun for me!

Y'all, the current styles are not working for me. I have one tiny complication that makes them extra inconvenient. That big thick ear piece that everyone is so into right now? Pushes my hearing aids right off my ears and that sucks. That alone really eliminated a lot of frames for me. Plus, some of the cutest ones didn't have spring hinges. Now, if you are a glasses noob, you might not know this, but spring hinges are ESSENTIAL. You might let yourself get faked into believing otherwise, even if you are an old hand at wearing glasses, but you would be wrong. DO NOT BE DECEIVED.

So anyway, I went into LensCrafters, on the recommendation of a family member. They basically only carry designer frames now, apparently, and designer and quality are clearly no the same thing, regardless of the price tag. For another, customer service involves listening, folks. If you show me four pairs of glasses, and three of them don't match even my most basic requirements which I explained to you when we were getting started, don't then ditch me to go help someone else who you probably also won't listen to.

I then went to the other LensCrafters in town, hoping they might have some options the other place didn't. They had most of the same stuff, but more helpful people. When I mentioned the woman at the other store, they both knew exactly who I was talking about. So here's my question. If your company has an employee who is so incompetent that she can be recognized purely by that incompetence (and, ok, her affection for oversized jewelry, but still) , why is that person still working for your company? Just curious.

Anyway, I finally found a pair of frames that works for me, but my choices came down to retro librarian and old lady, basically. Retro librarian seems a bit literal seeing as how I am an actual librarian, but it was better than old lady, so there you go. Plus they have polka dots!  But man, that was the most hassle ever to get some glasses. And I still don't have them! I have to wait for my optometrist to get the lenses in.

I am revving up for NaBloPoMo so I am going to try to be posting more regular-like.