Pride and Prejudice 2: More Pride, More Prejudice.

So let's talk about sequels to classic novels and why people should stop writing them.

BECAUSE THEY SUCK, THAT'S WHY.

Wait. Wait. Maybe that's unfair. I'm suere that there are SOME sequels to classic novels written in modern times that are very good. I don't think I've read any, but I'm sure they exist.

But....

Still, stop it.

Jane Austen's voice was unmistakable and it has become often imitated and never duplicated. That doesn't seem to stop people from trying. This year is the 200th anniversary of Pride and Prejudice and the stream of sequels seems to be never ending. The latest is titled Longbourn, by Jo Baker, and apparently details the life of the servants that worked for the Bennett family.

Now. We come to my problem. Longbourn may be an excellent novel (although I'll point out here that in every copy of Pride and Prejudice I own...I won't admit how many...there's an e on the end of Longbourne) but IF it is an excellent novel, why can't it stand alone? Downton Abbey, Upstairs, Downstairs, these stories deal with the life of both the upper class and the underclass and their popularity is legend. So why does Jo Baker need her novel to piggy back on Jane Austen's? Can it not stand alone? Is it merely cheap marketing? This is the core of my issue. Can you not write a novel that stands on its own? Are your characters too weak? Is your premise shaky?

I find this so annoying because I feel like it prejudges authors for me. I look at these books and say "why could I read someone else's take on Pride and Prejudice when I could just read Pride and Prejudice?" Am I missing some great authors? I might be...but if they're so great...why aren't they writing their own books instead of Jane Austen's?

Let me Google that for you

So tonight's pet peeve comes from the comments section of basically every website ever. I know, I know, don't read the comments, but whatever, you can judge me about that later. For now, let's judge everyone else, or at least judge the idiots that are currently bugging me. I hope none of my (I think very few) readers are guilty of this by the way. If you are, it's not too late to NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

What great and terrible sin do I refer to? Posting a comment on an article that is akin to "I don't know who x is, but I love them"  "or, I don't know who x is, but I hate them" OR "I don't know who x is, and I don't care."

I am so happy for you, that you live in a world where you are sheltered from pop culture and therefore cruise through life not understanding any references ever. You are a pain in the rear to everyone you talk to and I would glad you punch you today for the chance to ALSO PUNCH YOU TOMORROW. 

Here's a tip. Rather than bragging about how wicked cool your ignorance is, because man, what is more awesome than being stupid? LOOK IT UP. I will grant you, this may be the librarian in me, but I don't think I have ever stood up and said "I am completely ignorant on a subject, but I'm going to share my opinion anyway, but feel free to tell me about stuff later."

If you are talking on the internet, you are ALREADY ON THE INTERNET. The information is right there. You can use the Googles. The power is within you.

Rank and file.

So, as has been long established, I am a cranky person. And I have been ACCUSED of being especially cranky when it comes to my book reviews. This is a totally harsh and unfair accusation, y'all. My rating system is totally based on merit and most books just don't merit that much.

So let's break it down, are you an author angry about your rating? Are you a crazy fan of an author angry about your rating? Here's how you got there.

If you got a one:
You have offended me. Your book was bad, and you should feel bad.

If you got a two:
Your book was not very good. Did it need an editor? Did it have a hard to follow plot? Maybe it was just painfully mediocre. Maybe it was almost good but went horribly astray. Either way, unlike with the people who get ones, I am not poking voodoo dolls and hoping your career fails.

If you got a three:
Now here's where I feel like there is a flaw in the goodreads.com ranking system. Most of my books are rated threes, and I wish goodreads would fine tune their system to allow for half stars. Because my threes cover a pretty wide range, and this is also wher eI end up comparing authors to themselves. Jim Butcher has become one of my favorite authors, but not all of his books are equally good. An okay Jim Butcher book might rank the same as a really good Jayne Ann Krentz book. To me it's the difference between going out to a fantastic restaurant and getting a good meal and a meal from McDonalds. The so so meal from the Melting Pot is still amazing, but Mcdonalds satisfies in a different way. A so so book from a great author is still great, but a great book from a consistent author may never break into my top books, but I still enjoy them and go back to them time and again. This is where goodreads faisl me a little bit. If I could give half stars, I would. If the number range was broader it would have more flexibility. This is why so many books end up as a three.

If you got a four:

I really really liked it and will certianly recommend it and wouldn't rule out rereading it in the future.

If you got a five:

I have probably already read this book six times or sixteen). It is a childhood favorite I return to constantly. It is a book that changed my life, changed my reading habits, introduced me to something I had never thought of. I recommend this book to everyoen and then follow them around asking them what they're waiting for. I have contemplated proposing to the author.Have you looked at my goodreads? You should. Sort them by rating. Read the 5s. Let me know what you think. Hurry up.

And that's it...that's why I rank books the way I do. I am a terribly cranky person and I hold books to a high standard. I only have so much time and I want the books I read to feel like they are worth it. When they aren't? Yes.Absolutely I will get cranky. Some of the books I love are great. Some of them are terrible, but for whatever reason, they clicked for me, and that's what I'm always looking for.

(and check out my goodreads profile here: http://www.goodreads.com/user/show/124964-carrie)

Terrible books are terrible.

Today, instead of writing a cranky post, I am going to link you to what I think may be the angriest book review I have ever written, and I once refused to give a book any stars at all. I would have also given this one zero stars, but that makes it go to the bottom of the page where no one will see it  - and frankly, I feel like people need to see the badness. So. Without further ado: At What Cost, also known as the book that almost made me throw my Kindle.

TTFN

Good news, kids! I am back, and I am going to complain about things that I find annoying, Andy Rooney style, and then I'm going to tell you to get off my damn lawn.

So what's the deal with abbreviations on the internet? Or, I suppose, as kids today would say, ABBVS in the INT? I hate this. Like, I get it, you want to LOL with your BFF. Fine. Standard abbreviations and acronyms exist for a reason (and that reason is people are lazy), but there comes a time, son, when you need to USE YOUR WORDS. When I amr eading a website and I have to Google what everyone's damn acronyms mean and it turns out they don't mean anything and the only result is Urban Dictionary suggesting it has something to do with either penises or calling someone a ho', which is frankly, rarely implied by the context of the article or comment in question.

Clearly, the internet is filled with lazy people who don't want to type out whole words and all I have to say to that is I don't care what you want. If you want me to keep reading your stupid blog, you're gonna need to use real words. I know you think you have a rapport with your readers and they all understand whatever you're saying but unless you have planned to never have any new readers, that is stupid and you should quit it.

This is kind of like how Rachel Ray calls extra virgin olive oil EVOO and then has to stop EVERY TIME and explain that EVOO is extra virgin olive oil. If your acronym or abbreviation requres continual explanation, it's a bad one to use, and you should feel bad. Presumably most of you have learned to read and write to at least some degree and you should be proud of that. SO USE YOUR DAMN WORDS.

And get off my lawn already.

they really were good.

Oh good gracious. Well, think today I will talk about soufflés. I always wanted to try making soufflés and recent I purchased a set of four small ramekins so I figured my chance had arrived.

I decided to make savory soufflés and went with ham and cheddar as my ingredients. Now, this is not a post about bad recipes or anything else because they came out beautifully. But I do need to talk about how much better some foods sounds when you haven’t tried them

My soufflés were delicious. The goat cheese and spinach ones I made today were even better – but I am going to tell you the truth - soufflés? They’re just fancy omelets, you guys. Eggs, milk, cheese, etc. Like. They are light and fluffy and delicious fancy omelets. But they’re still fancy omelets? Did everyone know this? Why didn’t anyone tell me?

 Also? Not as hard to make as previously advertised.

Like my camera, my focus is shaky

So, once again it’s been a while since I updated. I’m still cranky, honestly, but I’m kind of bored with writing about it. I definitely want to keep blogging but I’m having trouble finding the focus I need. And I mean that both in the “short attention span” sense and in the “topics to write about” sense. I have always felt that a blog should be…topic oriented. If I just wanted to post nonsensical musings about my life for friends, well, that’s what livejournal is for (yes, some of us are still on livejournal). My interests lay with books, food and exercise and honestly I feel like there are a million blogs out there doing it better than me. My food blog would mainly consist of “and here’s the 300th way to prepare chicken so that it is tasty and not bad for you.” My book review blog, well it doesn’t exist because I am a terrible book reviewer. Honestly. Just awful. Maybe I should do that just so that I can get less sucky at it? And my exercise blog. I actually enjoy exercising but I feel like most of my time would be devoted to talking about how much I hate running, why I don’t do it, and why I am sick of hearing about other people learning to love running. I think they are all lying, BTW. No one loves running. Running is for chumps. Looking back at that last paragraph, maybe the answer is to keep blogging about being cranky, and be cranky about the things I love. I’m much better at reviewing bad books than good ones, at talking about hilarious recipe failures that delicious successes (and no one would expect good food pics then) and my dislike of certain exercises (bicycle crunches, I’m looking at you). If there is anyone out there still reading, please feel free to jump in and let me know what you think about all this nonsense, because if I don’t have any focus, I could at least use a little guidance.