Monday, March 21, 2011

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...SIT DOWN

There are not many times when I envy men, but public restrooms definitely make me wish I could pee standing up, and part of the reason for that is the women that try to pee standing up unsuccessfully. Or perhaps I should say try to squat unsuccessfully. This post is for you, ladies. SIT DOWN. When you go into a stall and there is spray on  the seat, this isn't because someone sat down and tinkled in the toilet. No, this is because someone who came before you squatted, and they missed. Wipe it off, use some hand sanitizer, and sit down. Use the toilet seat covers, used a cover made with individual squares of TP if you must, but SIT DOWN. You touch the stall doors, you touch the toilet handle, the sink knobs and everything else. The skin on your butt is not MORE susceptible to disease. Unless your typical toilet habits involve you rubbing your personal bits on the toilet, you are in no more danger from sitting down than you were in getting in there in the first place. You are making the bathrooms messier for the rest of us when you squat so please, SIT DOWN.

And also, what kills me, is that these same women who are squatting over the toilet to "avoid germs" then leave without washing their hands. The germs don't magically know you're a squatter and avoid you, okay? You still need to wash your hands.

And waitresses....when I see you in the bathroom, and you wash your hands, that's great, but it is all negated if you then spend five minutes standing in front of the sink fixing your hair. You are TOUCHING YOUR HAIR. There is a reason people in the kitchens have to wear hairnets and that's because NO ONE WANTS TO EAT HAIR. QUIT IT.

And another note about public restrooms. If you have male children, there is an age at which it is no longer appropriate to bring them into the bathroom with you. Has their voice started to change? Are they entering puberty? TOO OLD. I understand that there are kidnappers lurking around every corner and you are worried someone will steal your precious baby boy. But I seriously doubt anyone is going to steal your sullen teenager from outside of the ladies' room in Belks, okay. Cut the cord, lady. He's uncomfortable, and the rest of us just think it's creepy as all get out.

And if you (or your child) does pee on the seat? CLEAN IT UP.

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