Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Lead, Follow, or Get out of the Way (before I run you down)

I am a fast walker. I am not some kind of little old lady speed walker, tearing through the mall on the tile paths laid out for me by thoughtful planners. But I walk quickly. I want to get where I am going, get my exercise done, whatever. So if you want to talk about what makes me cranky, the answer is SLOW WALKERS.

Listen, if you want to stroll hand in hand with your sweetie down the sidewalk that is great and I hope you two will be very happy together even though holding hands with someone just kind of makes me feel sad and clammy, because that is a lot of physical contact when you are just trying to walk somewhere and your hands are probably all sweaty, especially if you are wearing those insane smitten things, because it is still cold out. There’s no part of those that don’t look awkward and horrible.

However! As you amble hand in sweaty hand, I’m going to have to ask you to amble to one side so I can get by you, because I? am not am ambler.

On the same note, you horde of teenagers clustered in a group looking at each others cellphones in front of the Aeropostale and PacSun, cluster a little further out of the way if you will, please, I just want to get what I need and go home.
This goes for everyone, ever. Much like when you are on a moving sidewalk in an airport and you are supposed to stand to the right so people can pass you on the left, I believe this si a rule that should extend to all sidewalks, everywhere. Make room for the people who are going somewhere. If you do that, I won’t run your meandering butt over, and you won’t slow me down and we’ll all be a lot less cranky.


  1. Oh, my gosh, WORD, SISTER GIRLFRIEND!

  2. Damn right! Years of waitressing, and now teaching means I walk fast everywhere. At school I always leave it too late to get to class so am superfast. We have trained the kids at school to all walk on the left, (which is the way we do it in Oz) corridors get super super busy. At uni, where I have recently returned, everyone just walks anywhere-the-hell-they-like, usually 3 across and very slowly. Drives me insane! I have to be in a super good mood to go to the shops because I have to duck and weave around everyone. . .my particular bug-bear- mothers with prams or strollers. They assume they have right of way at all times. Grrr
    Josie x

  3. SLOW WALKERS. I am glad I'm not alone, and Josie, sing it, with the strollers, you're walking with your baby! Great! WALK OVER THERE I MEAN IT.

    I gotta figure out how to get this thing to tell me I have comments...