Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time I started watching Once Upon a Time. I got about a halfway through season one. I have this problem, sometimes. I start a series and I get...bored. This happened with Grimm, too. Which is funny. Because I love fairy tales my goodreads.com profile reflects that. I will read any number of fairy tales and retellings, whether they are good, bad, or as is generally the case, just totally mediocre. Sadly, as many books as I read, not all of them are standouts, and in fact, most of them fall squarely in the middle. I suppose this is the case for TV shows, as well.

Once Upon a Time had me captured at the beginning but truth me told, by the time Prince Charming was being hauled in for questioning, my attention was flagging. The characters that had drawn me in were still interesting, but we just weren't spending enough time with them.

Grimm had the same problem. There were some interesting characters - but none of them were the main guy. Unfortunately, I found him about as interesting as watching paint dry. It turns out that no matter how good looking you are, if you have the personality of milk, you're not gonna do it for me. It was very disappointing to me to have Once Upon a Time and Grimm not engage me immediately because they should have been right up my alley.

This happened with Firefly, too. So many of my friends love it and wanted me to love it to. And I like science fiction and I like westerns. I should have been ALL OVER IT. But I could not get engaged with the characters.

By that same token, sometimes I will watching a really not the fantastic show because the characters work well for me. As much as I love Stargate, the early episodes got off to a rough start, plot wise. But the characters, individually and as a group, worked pretty much from the first moment.

When it comes to television, or even books and films. One of the things that bothers me is that lack of characterization. The Anita Blake series is a former favorite, but long about book 7, the characters...changed. Who they were, hwy they did what they did? It didn't matter anymore. It could have been a totally different series. Why build these characters only to throw it away and say "nope! not anymore?"

Be true to your characters and be invested in them.

Making myself cranky

Despite all appearances to the contrary, I am rather shy. This is a source of eternal crankiness for me, because I think being shy is stupid (sorry, other shy folk, but it's true). It holds me back, or rather, I hold myself back, by being shy. There are things that I want to do, or to try and I don't. Why? Because it means talking to people (noooooooooooooooooooooo) and putting myself forward, and when I do that, I want to cringe and die.

I hate it. Most of the time I can fake it pretty well, lots of people would think shy me was the one faking it, but they would be wrong! SO. WRONG. It makes me tremendously cranky. Right now, I am looking at an e-mail that a colleague forwarded me, suggesting I would be a suitable presenter for an upcoming conference. And...she's not wrong. I would. I am not unqualified. I have something to offer! I....am not going to write to the originator of the e-mail, because I know when she gets it she'll laugh and say "this idiot? Who does she think she is?" and even though I also know that part is TOTALLY IN MY IMAGINATION (probably. I hope.) little shy me goes "No! Don't talk to strangers, it's a terrible idea!"

And it makes me so mad! SO CRANKY. Little shy me, you better straighten up and fly right, because ...well, because nothing. I got no idea how to banish little shy me to the dungeon, so I guess she just gets to keep jerking me around. Wouldn't that make you cranky, too?

Forgive and Forget, Relive and Regret

So let's address the topic of forgiveness. And grudgeholding. And how sometimes you can forgive somebody while still being so totally mad at them. And by you, of course, I mean me.

The original title of this post was actually "Just because I've forgive you, doesn't mean I'm not still mad (so quit trying to hug me)." Everyone makes mistakes. I see and understand this as a fact. I myself, am terribly mistake prone. From major mistakes, like "should have checked my car's oil more often, because it started making noises and it turns out, there was no oil" to "curse my poor depth perception, I think I broke my toe." And sometimes I make mistakes regarding other people, and hurt someone's feelings (or feet) and then I have to apologize (even if I occasionally believe the real mistake is that they don't see that I am the one who is right).  And sometimes people do things that I consider mistakes and they apologize.

And so we come to a point that is both a character flaw and a PERFECTLY REASONABLE ATTITUDE. I can forgive you. I can reach down in my heart and acknowledge your apology. But that does not mean I am over whatever it is that you did (I am trying to stay generic. People I know IRL are reading this).

I appreciate your apology. And I will forgive you. But...my feelings may still be hurt. My temper may still be hot, I may be asking God for the strength to forgive you and also for the power to set you on fire with my mind. So please, give me time. Don't do something incredibly stupid and think that just because you've apologized, the issue has resolved itself. Don't think that because I've forgiven you, I've forgotten what you did to make me mad. Don't try to hug me and act like we are best friends when in reality, we're really just returning to borderline tolerance. Forgiveness is fine. One of the most valuable things we can give another person. But it doesn't wipe away the act that needed forgiveness in the first place, and depending on what happened, my relationship with you may never bounce back. And the more you act like nothing ever happened and let's hold hands and sing Kumbaya about it? Well, we're back to me trying to set things on fire with my mind.