Thursday, November 14, 2013

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time I started watching Once Upon a Time. I got about a halfway through season one. I have this problem, sometimes. I start a series and I get...bored. This happened with Grimm, too. Which is funny. Because I love fairy tales my profile reflects that. I will read any number of fairy tales and retellings, whether they are good, bad, or as is generally the case, just totally mediocre. Sadly, as many books as I read, not all of them are standouts, and in fact, most of them fall squarely in the middle. I suppose this is the case for TV shows, as well.

Once Upon a Time had me captured at the beginning but truth me told, by the time Prince Charming was being hauled in for questioning, my attention was flagging. The characters that had drawn me in were still interesting, but we just weren't spending enough time with them.

Grimm had the same problem. There were some interesting characters - but none of them were the main guy. Unfortunately, I found him about as interesting as watching paint dry. It turns out that no matter how good looking you are, if you have the personality of milk, you're not gonna do it for me. It was very disappointing to me to have Once Upon a Time and Grimm not engage me immediately because they should have been right up my alley.

This happened with Firefly, too. So many of my friends love it and wanted me to love it to. And I like science fiction and I like westerns. I should have been ALL OVER IT. But I could not get engaged with the characters.

By that same token, sometimes I will watching a really not the fantastic show because the characters work well for me. As much as I love Stargate, the early episodes got off to a rough start, plot wise. But the characters, individually and as a group, worked pretty much from the first moment.

When it comes to television, or even books and films. One of the things that bothers me is that lack of characterization. The Anita Blake series is a former favorite, but long about book 7, the characters...changed. Who they were, hwy they did what they did? It didn't matter anymore. It could have been a totally different series. Why build these characters only to throw it away and say "nope! not anymore?"

Be true to your characters and be invested in them.

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

You can't fix stupid

So I got sucked into a debate on the internet tonight, like an idiot. I know better, but...he was SO WRONG. So this is just a reminder to everyone, don't get involved with the trolls. Because no matter what, this remains true: You can educate the ignorant, but you can't fix stupid.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013


This is just a reminder:

Cooked carrots are an abomination.

Thank you, that is all.

Monday, November 11, 2013

I am a lady, not a child. I am especially not a lobotomized child.

...Although it did take me a couple tries to remember how to spell lobotomized.

So here is the issue with things that are marketed to ladies - the assumption that ladies need to be marketed to at all.

I think everyone has seen these ridiculous Bic for Her pens. And they have been soundly (and rightfully) mocked. But although I am annoyed by the idea that I need a special lady pen, that is not what I'm talking about. In this case, I am talking about crap like a cookbook I read recently.

The Meat Club Cookbook: For Gals who Love Their Meat. Y'all. I wanted to like it. I wanted to find some recipes that worked for me (and I did copy a couple of recipes out before I shipped it back via Interlibrary Loan) but...I didn't like it. I found it to be stupid and patronizing and full of tips like how to use a marinade to make a less expensive cut of meat tender because then you could still afford those cute shoes you saw! Teehee. And also how we like pork because pigs are cute and also pink! TEEHEE.

I was making notes as I was reading and after that part my notes read "please die" so there's that.

Listen, I think a  cookbook with lots of straightforward recipes for preparing meat is a great idea. I don't even think a meat cookbook with women as it's primary audience  is a terrible idea because I know a lot of people men and women who are afraid of pretty much everything but a boneless skinless chicken breast. This cookbook doesn't get the job done. The over the top nonsense. The idea that we need a meat club for girls because we can't eat meat in front of men? That's stupid and I hate it.

Sunday, November 10, 2013

no one understands my feelings

People often deplore the use of vague and/or passive aggressive posts on Facebook and Twitter. This is just and right. Those posts are as annoying as crap.

My favorite version of those posts is when they post something like "feeling sad...feeling alone...feeling down" etc etc and then when people rush in to fill their apparent void respond "I don't really want to talk about it." Listen, bud. If you want to keep your feelings to yourself, here's a suggestion: don't post your feelings on Facebook. You are not legally obliged to share every feeling and emotion that you have on Facebook just because it's there.

Similarly, posts that refer to "certain people" who "know who they are." The rest of us do NOT know who they are. But Twitter and Facebook both have the ability to message someone directly. So if you only want to address one person, ADDRESS THAT PERSON. Otherwise, what you are doing is a kind of B.S., indirect public shaming and that is a crock. Be a grown-up and have a conversation, or shut it.

HOWEVER. I want to clarify something for the youngsters. This is not a behavior that Facebook invented on the internet. Back in the days where everyone had a Livejournal, you saw it there. Indeed, even in the days of the BBS, it ran rampant.

Although of course, none of this nonsense was invented by the internet at all. So to everyone who is like "ugh. facebook" just remember Facebook didn't invent this, it just made it easy.

Now get off my lawn.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

A Bit of a Thor Spot

So tonight I went to see Thor The Dark World. It was pretty good! The theater was so crowded. I do not enjoy crowds. This is why I am a lady who likes small town living.

One of the annoying things was the guy I was sitting next to. He had a wide stance problem. This is where a man's ass may fit in one seat, but that seat is apparently not large enough to accomodate his enormous balls, and so he has to sit with his legs so wide they take up part of my space as well.

Men. Why do you do this? Are your balls so suffocated by sitting with your legs only shoulder width apart that  you just can't do it? Is that really what's going on? Or are you just an incosiderate dickhole who feels like you deserve space more than anyone else?

BECAUSE YA DON'T. Put ya legs together and sit up like a grown up.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Attack of the Blorg

What follows is a conversation with my friends at irc. Blogvember, I am trying.

Me: I already blogged my blog for today, too, because, blog
Me: blooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooog. It doesn't look like a word because it shouldn't be one! blog.
Me: Blorg
Kelly: heh. 
kelly: blorg
kelly: blorging
kelly: I'm a blorger 
Me:how much less scary would the borg be if they were the blorg? hah
Me: I feel like THIS should be a blog post. 
Me:  or a blorg post 
Kelly: AWESOME IDEA (so you can blame her for this) 
Me: the difference between a borg and blorg is that the blorg take pictures of you for instagram before they assimilate you
Me: more like assimilation is futile you will be run through a filter! 
thousand: or seven, depending on the hipster 
Me: I think you mean blorgster.
Me: they were steampunk before having goggle eyes were cool, man.  

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnd scene (well not really, there was quite a bit more blorging nonsense to be had, but it devolved rapidly) 

And now you know - when I'm not being cranky I am being intensely, nonsensically, nerdy.  

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Banana Phone

Well, the last few days have been an adventure in phones for me. My phone, now forever known as my PREVIOUS phone was an HTC Droid Incredible 2. It was a nightmare basically from the beginning and the one that is even now laying on the arm of my couch not charging is actually my third phone is less than two years. The first one was also an HTC, although I don't remember the model. It was defective right out of the box. Now, in theory this could be due to the "Verizon Retailer" who sold it to me, and was then unable to activate it correctly. So it was replaced by the first Droid 2. That was replaced a few months later by another Droid 2 after the headphone jack quit working. The charger that came with the replacement was fairly short lived, but I just used a charger from an old phone that fit, because I was tired of screwing with replacements

And as of Monday, my latest and last Droid 2 stopped charging. Well. Sort of. If I hold my mouth just right and tilt it sideways and prop it up it will at least try to charge. Yeah. So you can imagine that this is not ideal. After a bit of fussing and fighting with Verizon I was able to get my upgrade 5 months early (thanks Verizon!) and today I purchased a Moto X by Motorola.

So far, I like it. It surpassed Iphone 5 and the Samsun Galaxy 4 in both battery life and durability tests, and the rest of the stats are surprisingly similar. One thing it did have going for it - it is the only smartphone currently designed and manufactured in the U.S. which I thought was pretty cool!

There are some small issues. It appears to be possessed, for example. Earlier, a small red hat floated across the screen and when I touched it, a cartoon started to play. I was teaching class and even though I muted the phone the voice activation activated and started talking back to me. It startled me so much I closed my browser window that I was sharing. And now I can't get it to activate on purpose. I'll work on that.

But other than the slightly steep learning curve, so far I am very happy. Watch this space for two days from now when I can't get it to do what I want and retract everything.


Tuesday, November 5, 2013

rock the vote

There were no elections in my town today, but it there is one in your area you better have voted. If not, then you have made your decision, and I don't want to hear SQUAT from you until the next go 'round when you have hopefully made better choices.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Diet Advice and by Advice I Mean Lies

This line. THIS LINE: "Order an individual dessert to share among three people. One or two bites, and you'll be satisfied."

What a load of horse crap.

I mean sure, if you're at Shoney's order a brownie sundae thing and it's the size of your head, or you go to the Cheesecake Factory. Fine. Whatever. But let's be real. Most of the time you do not eat two bites of cake and then go "oooh nooo. Now I'm perfectly satisfied. You guys eat the rest."

COME. ON. I think there's two problems going on here.

1) The idea that we have to have dessert after every meal. This is a falsity. I think it is largely brought on by the idea that "oh, well I was GOOD today, so I deserve something." Listen. Food should not be something we punish or reward ourselves with. That creates a weird and unhealthy relationship with our dinner plates. If you want a piece of chocolate eat a piece of chocolate but don't tee hee hee about how bad you are being. And eat dessert if you want dessert but don't eat dessert every day after every meal because you're "supposed" to have dessert.

2) The idea that we should keep eating if we are full. This goes back to the idea that we eat dessert because we are "supposed" to eat dessert. Or clearing our plates so we don't waste food. This one was actually hard for me to learn. I felt so strongly that I was SUPPOSED to want seconds or SUPPOSED to clear my plate or OF COURSE I want dessert that I would literally ignore my feelings of fullness to keep eating. I would eat until y stomach hurt and I would eat until I was sick and then I would (of course) be miserable. And most of that was simply because I felt an obligation to EAT.

3) We should quit eating even if we're not full. So much of diet advice is conflicting. Eat! Don't eat! Eat this, not that! Eat that not this! Eat what you want it doesn't matter, only calories matter! Don't eat carbs!  Don't eat protein! It's not a diet it's a lifestyle change! etc etc. What it really comes down to is that we are TRAINED TO IGNORE OUR BODIES.

As a group, our relationship with food is messed up. And pretending we're happy with a bite when we want a slice is part of that.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

Sunday Schooled

So, we're trying to start a new Bible study at my church for...young women? Youngish women? Women who are too old to be in the youth group but not quite up to the ladies' class yet?

It's a little bumpy. So far we have had plenty of interest, but uneven participation. We're almost through our first book and we're going to start the next one. I'm hoping the next book will spur a little bit more active interest. I think people WANT the class. However, most of us who are participating also want...that extra time in the morning. hah. There' hasn't really been a class at my church for this age group, and we aren't used to having to get up in time for Sunday School. So, we were off to a good start and have had a new bumps since then.

I wanted to start this class, but I had a lot of support doing it from people who were interested in attending, and two other women helped me plan it. I was struggling at church. I want to be an active part of the church but I feel like maybe there's no place for that to happen. This class is my attempt to find another way to be part of the church. I know that I'm not alone in that, because I've heard the same thing from other women in the church.

So why is it so hard to feel like this is taking off? Has anyone else gone through something like this? Have any suggestions?

Saturday, November 2, 2013

These boots are made for...well, definitely not walking.

So I'm in the markey for some new boots. I didn't know this wuld be such a challenge, but I was wrong. I tried on and looked for a lot of different pairs today, and I have some thoughts to share.

Dear salespeople: If I need a size 9, don't bring me a size 10 and tell me I may as well try it. Also, a size 10 is not the same thing as a 9 wide.

Dear bootmakers: I am not a pirate. I do not want an above the knee boot that looks like I stole it off of Jack Sparrow. I also don't want to wear above the knee boots with a six inch heel that take the look from Jack Sparrow to hooker. Maybe a nice flat, mid-calf boot. Is this so hard to find? (yes, yes it is)

and now to address the Universe:

Dear Universe: Just some cute black boots that aren't going to hurt my feet. That's all I'm asking for. Please? Please? Please? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?

Friday, November 1, 2013

giving cranky thanks

You know what makes me REALLY cranky? Realizing that my first blog post of the month never posted and now I can't remember what I wrote. So here ya go. a cranky post for the 1st.

Oh! I know what it was. I am REALLY cranky about all the stupid I'm thankful for posts on facebook. Yes. I get it. You're thankful for the same crap you were thankful for last year. And so, in tribute, here is a post about thankfulness brought to you by the great poet, Jack Prelutsky.

I'm thankful for my baseball bat,
I cracked it yesterday,
I'm thankful for my checker set,
I haven't learned to play,
I'm thankful for my mittens,
one is missing in the snow,
I'm thankful for my hamsters,
they escaped a month ago.

I'm thankful for my basketball,
it's sprung another leak,
I'm thankful for my parakeet,
it bit me twice last week,
I'm thankful for my bicycle,
I crashed into a tree,
I'm thankful for my roller skates,
I fell and scraped my knee.

I'm thankful for my model plane,
it's short a dozen parts,
I'm thankful for my target game,
I'm sure I'll find the darts,
I'm thankful for my bathing suit,
it came off in the river,
I'm thankful for so many things,
except, of course, for LIVER!

--Jack Prelutsky