Saturday, December 25, 2010



Thursday, December 23, 2010


I have had a terrible time recently with vacuums. My little vacuum has developed a tendency to overheat and the bigger one got clogged. Not with pine needles, as one might expect, when you are cleaning up after your Christmas tree, but no, it got clogged with little plastic tips you cut off of those popsicles that you freeze in the tubes. Like Otter Pops. The weird thing about this is that I haven't had those popsicles in some months, even though I vacuum at least once a week. Which means these things have been floating around in the tube of my vacuum, waiting for just the right dust bunny to come along so that they could all join up and converge into one massive clog. How is that even possible? It's so weird. I finally got it unclogged, but not before I completely covered myself in dust from the stupid thing. At any rate, At last, I can finally vacuum things on a flat surface. I might even get the little one fixed so I'll be able to clean the stairs again. Until that happens, I'll just keep borrowing my sister's mini-vac.

But the ultimate solution to this situation? HARDWOOD FLOORS.

Rental agencies of the world. Please do away with the beige carpet that forever looks stained and dingy even when new and clean. What is the motivation for this crap? It's horrible. Easy to clean, easy to care for hardwood and laminate! No vacuums needed.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Cold Toes....

Socks. They are warm and fuzzy, sure, but they are oppressing my toes! I hate having to wear socks when I am all cuddle up inside. My toes like to be free! Free to wiggle underneath my blankets that I am snuggled down under. I will tolerate pants under chilly circumstances, and I am trying to keep my heating bill low and myself warm....but SOCKS! This is an affront to my barefoot agenda!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Something to Crow About

So tonight I watched the Sing-Off Live finale. While I love the show, there were a couple of things about tonight that made me cranky.

The first thing is that the group I was totally cheering for, Jerry Lawson and Talk of the Town, didn't win. I didn't really expect them to, even though they were totally the coolest, most classic sound, they were also the oldest group, with no "vocal percussion" and they were much more interested in using their sound and bringing that to the masses than in adapting their sound to be what the other groups were putting out, which is basically a modern sound with acapella influences. I think the other groups were much more saleable, from the popular perspective, even though I don't think they have the talent of Talk of the Town.

That said, I think all of the groups that made it to the finale were very talented. I was happy to see Committed win, and while I was bummed that Jerry Lawson's group didn't win, I was happy that the Backbeats didn't win. They weren't a bad group, and they had a fun vibe, but personally, I felt that they didn't have very strong soloists.

One of the other things that bothered me was the guest performers. Boyz II Men did an excellent job, as did Ben Folds. Even Nick Lachey made it work, as you might expect from a former boybander, he had was able to hold onto the harmonies beautifully. However. Nicole Sherzinger did not have the vocal chops to hold up her duet with Jerry Lawson. And WHAT was the deal with Sheryl Crow? An entire show about acapella groups and she can't put down the dang acoustic guitar for five minutes? That was ridiculous. If she doesn't have what it takes to sing acapella, get someone who does, but don't ignore the whole entire premise of the show to accommodate one moderately talented hippie dippy chick who can't hold it together. I mean, truly.

Actually, I was not tremendously impressed by the singing from most of the guest stars. In a show when the only music is coming from the people and not the instruments, performers who don't quite make the cut really stand out.

In conclusion, congrats to Committed, bummer for Jerry Lawson and Talk of the Town, and come on already, if you're doing acapella, do it and do it well.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Let's go the mall!

Or not. Y'all. Last night I was full of delicious food. I went to an all fondue restaurant yesterday and it was quite scrumdillicious. We also went to the ballet....that actually came first. And conveniently, the restaurant was only two miles from the restaurant (the <a href=""> Melting Pot</a> exists in several states, and you should check it out!). It took us 45 minutes to go those two miles. Why, you ask? Because we had to go past the mall. There were a total of three accidents, one of which happened directly in front of us (don't worry, we didn't need to stay and witness, our view was blocked by an SUV) and involved three cars.


Y'all. I know there is only a week until Christmas. And I understand that there is shopping to be done. Well, for other people. I'm finished (neener neener). But honestly? It's time to take a deep breath, and learn how to use the internet. 45 minutes. That's insane! And it's a fairly crappy mall!

Anyway, I hope everyone has finished their Christmas shopping now, because I have to go to Wal-Mart tomorrow to buy tissue. a Fairly nasty cold forced me through my backup supply rather quickly and I can't do without them, especially this time of year. That said, if I run into the kind of nonsense at the store tomorrow as was going on at the mall yesterday? It will be hard to resist making with the punches.

ALSO. What is up with the post office? I was trying to decide between shipping my only two Christmas packages priority vs. non. The difference was only 17 cents and if I sent it non-priority it would have taken over two weeks. THAT IS RIDICULOUS. For people wondering why the post office is failing? See the above. That's as ridiculous as going to the mall at this point. Honestly.

Saturday, December 18, 2010


Fondud...I am full of it. Cheese and meat and wine and chocolate...who can be cranky in these circumstances?

Thursday, December 16, 2010


I forgot, if you can believe it, to be cranky about one other thing relating to Christmas music. Christmas songs that mock Christmas.  Really? Blah. BLAH! Blah I say!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime

Oh Christmas music. I love you....and hate you.

Here is the thing. Christmas music makes me cranky in two different directions. Because  I really do love Christmas music. I personally own at least 25 CDs of nothing but Christmas music. It ranges from super traditional (I'm looking at you, Bing Crosby) to the...less traditional (hello, Klezmonauts. I can't even tell you how many copies of Oy to the World we sold at the bookstore I used to work at. Crazy stuff.) and everything in between (including N'Sync and the Barenaked Ladies. I'm diverse).

Here's what I don't own. Not one single version of the Christmas Shoes. Okay? Because it sucks. IIt's not the worst Christmas song ever. It's the WORST SONG EVER. And there are some strong contenders for that title, I know. But this is a song about a little boy, whose mother is dying, and he wants to buy her shoes. So that she can look pretty for Jesus. Take a moment and think about that. So she can look pretty for Jesus. Right. But he doesn't have enough money so he asks the man in line behind him, who is narrating the song, and kind of cranky, to pay for the shoes, so his mom can LOOK PRETTY FOR JESUS. And the guy does. And then narrates that the little kid was clearly sent by God to help this man relearn the meaning of Christmas. So...that would be the little kid whose mother is dying. REALLY? REALLY?

Ok. So I know that there is Christmas music that is a condemnation of all music. But...when the Christmas Shoes comes on? I don't go forth with a wailing and gnashing of teeth and swear that I hate Christmas music. I...change the channel. Turn the volume down. Hit skip on Pandora.

So this is a double cranky post (Two! Two! Two Cranks in one!). I am cranky about terrible Christmas music! (This includes Do They Know It's Christmas, and Wonderful Christmas Time) AND I am cranky about people who rag on all Christmas music and instead of just...changing the station, sit there and crab about how awful Christmas music is (I recognize the hypocrisy of that statement on this blog, but this is kind of my schtick, people). The Christmas Shoes makes me want to punch someone. Since original singers New Song are not available for punching, I turn the song off.

So instead of complaining about Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire (and if you've got a problem with Jack Frost nipping at your nose, please refer to my earlier post complaining about people who complain about the cold) turn it to a different song. I've always enjoyed the Boris Karloff version of the Grinch song, personally.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Let it snow!

What am I cranky about today? It;s not the snow. I love the snow. Snow is awesome! It's the fact that the town I live in still pretending that they don't get enough snow to make it worthwhile to have things like snow plows and salt trucks and basic preparations for snowstorms even though we get three or four decent storms a year, and rain and ice besides, and as a direct result of this reluctance, I surely did tweak my ankle this morning. The sidewalks had been neither salted nor sanded to shoveled (and I rent, so that is, in fact, someone else's responsibility) and since the roads had also not been scraped I had decided to walk, and I couldn't SEE the sidewalk, so I stepped off of it into a drift and rolled my ankle and it's not getting better as the day goes on, unfortunately and frankly, it's ticking me off that it is kind of killing my delight in the snow.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Vintage...that does sound better than "old crap"

And now, one of the stupidest things I've ever seen sold on Etsy. Used recipe cards. And somebody BOUGHT THEM! Because they're tied with twine! And a button! So it's charming and not insane!

I can't even deal, you  guys. I am going to lay some knowledge on you, my friends. Just because you slap the word vintage on something doesn't make it valuable. The fact that vintage has become some popular is both cool and ridiculously stupid. I am all for embracing the past. Classic styles, historical pieces, your grandmother's recipe box? Those are things that are very cool. But a pair of holey overalls from 1984 and a bunch of recipes you're not even supposed to use for the recipes? THIS WAY LIES MADNESS.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

I am going to have to start blogging earlier....I'm so sleepy. Today was a busy day. I hosted a cookie exchange Christmas party, which had two unexpected guests when my nieces ended up coming over. They were supposed to be being babysat by my dad, but he and my stepmom were sick with some kind of food poisoning/stomach flu disaster so I ended up with the girls.  They behaved beautifully. You wouldn't even believe what holy terrors they can be based on their behavior tonight.


One thing that totally made me cranky today? On the way back from an emergency Sprite and Pepto delivery to my dad the girls and I got stuck behind the parade...I had to get permission from the cops to cross the road in front of the parade and get back to my house.Who has a Christmas parade this far  before Christmas? If you want t call this a parade. This would have been the perfect night to commit a crime as every cop car in town was either blocking the roads for the parase or in the parade. One or the other.

Friday, December 10, 2010


Is there anything more delicious looking than the last swirls of butter melting into a pan ful of chocolate? This isn't rhetorical. I want to know. Is there?

Thursday, December 9, 2010

What happened to the days of all nighters?

Oh. I hate that I can't stay up late as I used to. I used to be a total night owl. It's barely past one, I have tomorrow off, and I am about to faceplant. I was trying to finish the hem on a new skirt, but I am not going to make it. The third time I stabbed myself I had to quit. How do thimbles even work? It's not like I only ever stab one finger.

ALSO could there be more commercials about Twilight? Or Eclipse? or whatever. Man, anyone who cares has probably already bought the movie and watched it 15 times. Enough with the advertising. Is Twlight's target audience really watching Food Network at 1 AM? 

I'm pretty sure this post is terrible. Sorry guys. Goodnight

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

I believe in compromise...I get what I want....and so do you.

Okay, I am watching HGTV, and I'm fully hooked on that channel in general, and right now Property Virgins is on and the girl keeps talking about how great it is that that house has brand name toilets. Who even knows which toilets are brand name? K...Kohler? Maybe...does Delta make toilets? Can we assume that if they make sinks they also make toilets? Also, she keeps calling her husband babe and I find that incredibly annoying. "Oh, a black toilet. I don't like black toilets, babe. But it's a brand name. I do like brand name toilets."

WHAT?! IS?! THAT?! (That's right. A triple interobang. This might be worse than the bears getting snuggly with their toilet paper.) (It's not.)

Also, I hate the attitude on some of these shows, when they have these couples and they interview them together and separate and when together it's "oh, we have things we both want and things we can compromise on!" and then they get them apart and the woman is all "I'm getting what I want" and there's a little teehee smirk. And the guy goes "she's getting what she wants" no teehee, just a sigh of resignation.

This is SO OLD, you guys. SO OLD IT HAS WHISKERS.

HGTV, you are better than this! I appreciate the fact that you get a lot of diverse couples on. I think that's great. So then why, when you get the more traditional couples, does it revert back to this? QUIT IT.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Drunks in the Basement or How about you get a hobby, moron?

Ok. In the interest of full disclosure, let's start this with a little honesty. the only booze in my life is tucked away in the back of my baking cupboard, and has been used twice...for making biscochitos. And that's the closest I've come to booze since I was 22 and went on thyroid medication, and off the good stuff. And even when I could drink, drinking to excess never appealed to me. That said, I don't believe that it invalidates what I am about to say.

And what I am about to say is this:


I understand that when we first reach legal drinking age (and for some of us, prior to that) alcohol has the boozy appeal of being a grown up and yet having an excuse to act like a moron. And even now, I can see the appeal of having a drink with dinner, or kicking back with a glass of wine (and by wine, I mean a daquiri...I miss you, daquiris). But there must come a time when you think to yourself "I am too old for this crap," and put down the beer bong.

I recently encountered a group of fully grown adults having a little bit of a college reunion who had not seen each other in about ten years. And so what did they decide was the best way to celebrate their reunion?

By going to Applebees to drink. Applebees, y'all. Is that not the saddest thing you have heard all week?

So we're clear all of these guys are around 37 or so.

Is it just me? Doesn't it seem like there should

Ok. This post has been derailed bu a commercial of the Charmin bears rubbing toilet paper on themselves and cuddling while fake Barry White plays. then we get mysterious blue liquid and then cuddling on the couch. And either their is a toilet in the living room or a couch and a fireplace in their bathroom. And she sits on the couch and watches him go. Is it a one room cave and they've developed a scatological fetish? And where are the little bears that are in all the other commercials?

Listen bears, I didn't say anything when you did the bit with the telescope and the clinging paper. I let the toilet paper destroying an entire lake for one fish thing slide. But this? I can't let this pass. What is wrong with you people? This is sick.

Anyway, I've lost my momentum, but in conclusion, drinking just to get drunk eventually goes from "what kids do" to either "pathetic" or "maybe you should go to AA."

Ok, I'm still stuck on the bears. I don't even know. Judge for yourselves.

Monday, December 6, 2010

All Temperatures Fahrenheit (so don't make me come over there, Canadians)

I suspect that some of you may believe me to currently be hunched over my desk with a top hat a terrible muttonchops, muttering "bah, humbug" in the most ridiculously Scrooge-esque way possible, while depriving my work study students of the extra lumps of coal they need to keep themselves warm as they toil to craft ever more elaborate bulletin board decorations. But you would be wrong! (Except the part about the work study students. I am not buying a space heater for the reference desk, and if they're cold, they can keep their coats on like the rest of us.)

In truth, I love the Christmas season! This is despite my earlier diatribe about Thanksgiving getting the shaft. Just because I love Christmas doesn't mean it needs to start on Halloween, is what I'm saying.

It is snowing loads today and looking all nice and seasonal-y and I love it. It's sticking to the grass, not the streets, and is a balmy 25 (feels like 14) degrees out. So why are people throwing up their hands in despair, with a wailing and gnashing of teeth? It's December. The high this week is going to be 46 and we ought to be glad to get it. (Please note that none of these statements will prevent me from complaining about the 105 degree weather in July. Just so we're clear, I'm aware of the hypocrisy, I just don't care.) Anyway, as far as I'm concerned it could snow a few feet and I'd be happy as a clam. Possibly happier as no one has ever produced a convincing argument for unusually high levels of happiness in clams. Which I discovered I was allergic to this year! Where's the Reverb10 category for that? (What did I make this year? The discovery that shellfish gives me hives!)

Also, I realize not everyone celebrates Christmas. I'm sorry if you feel put upon by the omnipresence of this holiday. Yes, I know Jesus was probably born in the spring. I'm aware that Christmas was placed where it was on the Roman calendar to make it easier to co-opt the holiday from people celebrating the Solstice. If you currently celebrate the Solstice, I hope your holiday is lovely. I respect other people's holidays and traditions as best I can, and I hope that those people would be willing to do the same for me. So people who feel the need to pendantically use this time to point out everything that you believe is wrong with the Judeo-Christian tradition, and that you hate the Christmas Christmas Christmas that is in the stores this time of you...please take time out to quit crapping on my holiday spirit and suck it.

Happy Holidays!

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Letting go of Reverb10

Y'all. I think I'm breaking up with Reverb10. The prompts seems so generically "self-help book" that I just can't take it. Today's prompt is "Letting go: Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?"

I didn't let go of anything. Well, I guess I got rid of some old clothes, sorted out some books...meeeeeh.

Here's what I've learned from Reverb10...that I have something new to be cranky about. Hah. Here is a tip: Not everything is a revelation to change your life. Not every moment is THE moment. Sometimes what changes your life is the accumulation of a year, not a bolt from out of the blue that you'll remember forever. Sometimes they thing to remember when you look back over a year is the small joys and the small sadnesses and the small triumphs that make a year, not huge peaks and deep valleys.

So I'm going to look for self-improvement and things to blog about besides reflecting and manifesting. 

Saturday, December 4, 2010

I wonder as I wander

So today for Reverb10 I'm supposed to talk about how I cultivate wonder in my life. And it's a very sparkly, rose colored glasses idea but is it something I do?

I don't think so. Not really. I don't wake up in the morning and gaze in awe at the possibilities of the new day. If I was that kind of person, this wouldn't be a crankyblog, let's be honest. I guess I find wonder in my faith and the belief that God is still working in the world, but I don't know how I cultivate that, other than to be a Sunday school teacher.

I do think I cultivate a slightly different definition of wonder. I WONDER about a lot of things. I like to explore the world and learn new things. To find new ideas, new knowledge, and learn things that it never even occurred to be to think about. As a result, my list of books I've read and want to read looks a I have some kind of split personality. hah.

Maybe I find wonder in finding new things to wonder about.

Friday, December 3, 2010

One moment please


I can't pick one moment that encapsulates 2010 because no one wants to hear the details about the sights and sounds of me wretching into a sink and trying to pass a kidney stone. What a beautiful Thursday that was.


Kidney Stones suck.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

talk about cranky...

Note to world: when a system is broken, the thing to do is fix it, not expect everyone to work around it. This applies to computers, politics and call numbers and basically everything else.

Making a Contribution

So today the prompt for Reverb10 is Writing. I am supposed to talk about what things that I do  on a daily basis that gets in the way of my writing. I am beginning to think this is SO the wrong set of prompts for me, because I think this is kind of  stupid question. The only thing that gets in the way of my writing is me not writing.

Otherwise, the things I do contribute to who I am and what I think and what I know and that informs my writing. So therefore, nothing I do on a daily basis gets in the way of my writing.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The more things change...

I am so full of things to talk about today! First off, I actually posted every day in November, and thus successfully completed the NaBloPoMo,which is pretty cool! I decided to try and keep going so I am going to participate in something called Reverb10. Apparently, I am supposed to reflect on the year and manifest what's next. And there are writing prompts. Which I may not need, because y'all, I didn't even use half my cranky list. Maybe I can do both? You know I'll never run out of cranky, but it does get a little old sometimes (not often). We'll see how the Reverb program goes, because sometimes things that make me cranky are also things that are touchy feely and self-helpy. I guess I'm not manifesting a positive attitude about that.

Today's prompt tells me to find ONE WORD that sums up 2010. Suck it is two words, so I guess I'll go with patience, instead. This was a year when I needed patience, when I lost patience, when people tried my patience and (I'm sure) I tried other people's patience. I have prayed for patience many times this year, to the point where it's basically just a standing order. And frankly? Patience might be the word of the year for 2011, too. A lack of patience is definitely a besetting sin, for me. This could very well be why I am so cranky.


If I got two words to describe 2010. Those words would be SUCK IT. I am trying to embrace that as my philosophy. I am compelled to be a people pleaser. I want to be loved. I want to be someone that makes people happy. This is actually not so fancy a thing. Sometimes, that means you lose track of yourself in the process. And when those times roll around, it's time to tell the world to suck it. To embrace yourself, and do what you want rather than being manipulated by the expectations of others. If people don't like what you're reading? They can suck it. Do they think your musical taste sucks? They should suck it.

When someone says to you "Oh, you're so brave for cutting your hair like that, I could never do it." and you know that what they mean is "your haircut looks awful, but it's cute you don't realize it," tell them to suck it. Because if you love it and you're rocking it, who cares what those people thing? Love yourself, your look your life and tell the rest of the world to SUCK IT!