Friday, June 3, 2011

Making myself cranky

Despite all appearances to the contrary, I am rather shy. This is a source of eternal crankiness for me, because I think being shy is stupid (sorry, other shy folk, but it's true). It holds me back, or rather, I hold myself back, by being shy. There are things that I want to do, or to try and I don't. Why? Because it means talking to people (noooooooooooooooooooooo) and putting myself forward, and when I do that, I want to cringe and die.

I hate it. Most of the time I can fake it pretty well, lots of people would think shy me was the one faking it, but they would be wrong! SO. WRONG. It makes me tremendously cranky. Right now, I am looking at an e-mail that a colleague forwarded me, suggesting I would be a suitable presenter for an upcoming conference. And...she's not wrong. I would. I am not unqualified. I have something to offer! not going to write to the originator of the e-mail, because I know when she gets it she'll laugh and say "this idiot? Who does she think she is?" and even though I also know that part is TOTALLY IN MY IMAGINATION (probably. I hope.) little shy me goes "No! Don't talk to strangers, it's a terrible idea!"

And it makes me so mad! SO CRANKY. Little shy me, you better straighten up and fly right, because ...well, because nothing. I got no idea how to banish little shy me to the dungeon, so I guess she just gets to keep jerking me around. Wouldn't that make you cranky, too?

No comments:

Post a Comment