Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Forgive and Forget, Relive and Regret

So let's address the topic of forgiveness. And grudgeholding. And how sometimes you can forgive somebody while still being so totally mad at them. And by you, of course, I mean me.

The original title of this post was actually "Just because I've forgive you, doesn't mean I'm not still mad (so quit trying to hug me)." Everyone makes mistakes. I see and understand this as a fact. I myself, am terribly mistake prone. From major mistakes, like "should have checked my car's oil more often, because it started making noises and it turns out, there was no oil" to "curse my poor depth perception, I think I broke my toe." And sometimes I make mistakes regarding other people, and hurt someone's feelings (or feet) and then I have to apologize (even if I occasionally believe the real mistake is that they don't see that I am the one who is right).  And sometimes people do things that I consider mistakes and they apologize.

And so we come to a point that is both a character flaw and a PERFECTLY REASONABLE ATTITUDE. I can forgive you. I can reach down in my heart and acknowledge your apology. But that does not mean I am over whatever it is that you did (I am trying to stay generic. People I know IRL are reading this).

I appreciate your apology. And I will forgive you. feelings may still be hurt. My temper may still be hot, I may be asking God for the strength to forgive you and also for the power to set you on fire with my mind. So please, give me time. Don't do something incredibly stupid and think that just because you've apologized, the issue has resolved itself. Don't think that because I've forgiven you, I've forgotten what you did to make me mad. Don't try to hug me and act like we are best friends when in reality, we're really just returning to borderline tolerance. Forgiveness is fine. One of the most valuable things we can give another person. But it doesn't wipe away the act that needed forgiveness in the first place, and depending on what happened, my relationship with you may never bounce back. And the more you act like nothing ever happened and let's hold hands and sing Kumbaya about it? Well, we're back to me trying to set things on fire with my mind.

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