Writing Your Representative - Getting Political Again

Here is the letter I just wrote to my Rep.

Are you and your cronies seriously SERIOUSLY forcing a government shut down because you want more control over women's health? Over my health? Over the right to tell people who can and cannot have a legal procedure that is CONSTITUTIONALLY protected? Are you holding up the government because you can't see that Planned Parenthood is more than just abortions, and that many don't even offer abortions but instead do things like offer preventative care and access to birth control that prevents abortion?

Why is it that Republicans want to preach for small government but still get to know what I'm doing with my body? You are denying funding for women's health care at large, not just abortion. And in the process you are denying paychecks to government workers, including soldiers.

You, and everyone else involved in this hostage situation should be ashamed of yourselves. You aren't representing the people. You are representing yourselves and your desire to force your beliefs on everyone else, regardless of whether it is actually good for the government, and for the people under it, which is what you claim to serve. Shame on you, shame on your party, and shame on everyone who falls in line with your blackmail, and unwillingness to do your job. Hopefully, you and your fellow members of the house will be among the government employees who don't get a paycheck. You certainly haven't earned one.

How's that for cranky?

Lead, Follow, or Get out of the Way (before I run you down)

I am a fast walker. I am not some kind of little old lady speed walker, tearing through the mall on the tile paths laid out for me by thoughtful planners. But I walk quickly. I want to get where I am going, get my exercise done, whatever. So if you want to talk about what makes me cranky, the answer is SLOW WALKERS.

Listen, if you want to stroll hand in hand with your sweetie down the sidewalk that is great and I hope you two will be very happy together even though holding hands with someone just kind of makes me feel sad and clammy, because that is a lot of physical contact when you are just trying to walk somewhere and your hands are probably all sweaty, especially if you are wearing those insane smitten things, because it is still cold out. There’s no part of those that don’t look awkward and horrible.

However! As you amble hand in sweaty hand, I’m going to have to ask you to amble to one side so I can get by you, because I? am not am ambler.

On the same note, you horde of teenagers clustered in a group looking at each others cellphones in front of the Aeropostale and PacSun, cluster a little further out of the way if you will, please, I just want to get what I need and go home.

This goes for everyone, ever. Much like when you are on a moving sidewalk in an airport and you are supposed to stand to the right so people can pass you on the left, I believe this si a rule that should extend to all sidewalks, everywhere. Make room for the people who are going somewhere. If you do that, I won’t run your meandering butt over, and you won’t slow me down and we’ll all be a lot less cranky.

If you sprinkle when you tinkle...SIT DOWN

There are not many times when I envy men, but public restrooms definitely make me wish I could pee standing up, and part of the reason for that is the women that try to pee standing up unsuccessfully. Or perhaps I should say try to squat unsuccessfully. This post is for you, ladies. SIT DOWN. When you go into a stall and there is spray on  the seat, this isn't because someone sat down and tinkled in the toilet. No, this is because someone who came before you squatted, and they missed. Wipe it off, use some hand sanitizer, and sit down. Use the toilet seat covers, used a cover made with individual squares of TP if you must, but SIT DOWN. You touch the stall doors, you touch the toilet handle, the sink knobs and everything else. The skin on your butt is not MORE susceptible to disease. Unless your typical toilet habits involve you rubbing your personal bits on the toilet, you are in no more danger from sitting down than you were in getting in there in the first place. You are making the bathrooms messier for the rest of us when you squat so please, SIT DOWN.

And also, what kills me, is that these same women who are squatting over the toilet to "avoid germs" then leave without washing their hands. The germs don't magically know you're a squatter and avoid you, okay? You still need to wash your hands.

And waitresses....when I see you in the bathroom, and you wash your hands, that's great, but it is all negated if you then spend five minutes standing in front of the sink fixing your hair. You are TOUCHING YOUR HAIR. There is a reason people in the kitchens have to wear hairnets and that's because NO ONE WANTS TO EAT HAIR. QUIT IT.


And another note about public restrooms. If you have male children, there is an age at which it is no longer appropriate to bring them into the bathroom with you. Has their voice started to change? Are they entering puberty? TOO OLD. I understand that there are kidnappers lurking around every corner and you are worried someone will steal your precious baby boy. But I seriously doubt anyone is going to steal your sullen teenager from outside of the ladies' room in Belks, okay. Cut the cord, lady. He's uncomfortable, and the rest of us just think it's creepy as all get out.

And if you (or your child) does pee on the seat? CLEAN IT UP.

What's the point?

Alright, here’s something that makes me cranky that I referenced way back in January and that is people who go the comments section of news articles to post “why is this news” or “this is stupid” or “I can’t believe someone wasted their time writing this.” Well honey, you just wasted time not only reading it, but posting about. 

Why is something news? Why is ANYTHING news? Because someone, somewhere, cares about it. To you this may seem stupid or petty or pointless, and maybe it is, but it’s nowhere near as stupid, petty or pointless as your comment. We get it, you cannot be bothered to concern yourself with the affairs of mere mortals and you can’t be bothered to get down off your high horse (although in fairness, that stick you have up your butt probably makes mounting and dismounting your high horse pretty uncomfortable) and the only comments you can make from up there are ones that make you look like a condescending jackhole. Sadly, condescending jackhole is rarely a good look for anyone. 

Listen, I get that not every article is going to appeal to you. I’m not going to lie. I don’t care about Charlie Sheen. He was the least awesome of all of the Young Guns, and the only one who never really worked past his bloaty phase that they pretty much all went through (sorry Emilio Estevez and Keifer Sutherland. Those were some bad years.) and now he’s a crazy, cracked out guy who needs help. So when I go to one of the news sites I visit on a regular basis, I roll my eyes and scroll past the 5 articles about Charlie Sheen because I DON’T CARE. I do not stop to take the time to read the article and then complain about how the article was a waste of time because I don’t care about Charlie Sheen because DUH. 

Now if you read a genuinely terrible article, you can register a complaint but “what was the point of this” is not a valid one. “This article was poorly written and didn’t convey any new information” is a legitimate complaint.  If you read an article on a topic you are not interested in, close the tab (or window, you luddite) and move on.

In which I really get political.

Watch out! This one's a doozy.

Alright folks, as always there are plenty of things I’m cranky about. But I have cranky blog writer’s block because the thing I’m MOST cranky about is politics which I didn’t really intend to discuss here, but forget that. It’s time to lay it on the line.

So, in my home state of Kentucky: 

Are you people REALLY trying to make it so the EPA doesn’t belong to the coal companies? Cause if so, that’s a brilliant plan. Way to make sure that everyone involved knows you care way more about your campaign funds and kickbacks than about the safety and health not only of the people of Kentucky, who get to drink the contaminated water and breath the contaminated air, but also for the land that makes up a beautiful state. Please continue to blow the tops off our mountains and ignore the continuing environmental impact. I can’t imagine how that could possibly go wrong. There is no easy solution to this. Kentucky runs on coal. We need the jobs, and we need the fuel. We don’t need to buckle under to the coal companies’ every demand. Why not? Because they need the coal in our mountains to run. We’ve worked for them for a long time. Maybe they should start working for us.

In Wisconsin: 

Are you people kidding me? This is just embarrassing to the U.S. and people in EGYPT are now supporting protestors here. Zombie Jimmy  Hoffa is gonna rise from his grave (he is likely sleeping with the fishes, after all) and come eat Scott Walker’s brains. Personally, I suspect the poor guy is going to go hungry. Listen, folks. There’s no denying that some unions have used their power unwisely, but to go nerdy on you here, there is a dark side and a light side to the force and all those of you who enjoy things like weekends and lunch breaks and minimum wage should thank God the unions exist. To the people who are saying we don’t need the unions? The very fact that they are trying to bust the unions means we still need unions, because they aren’t about to then hand that negotiating power back to the individual workers. They’ll do that and suddenly it will be all “this is chaos! The workers cannot handle their own negotiations, if only there was some kind of group they could join that would make this easier. In the meantime, we’re just going to go ahead and screw them over. Thanks, folks! Remember us when it’s election time!”

On Planned Parenthood: 

Let’s put aside the fact even though  the country is still struggling to recover economically, that the unemployment rate is still high, and something like one in five families are struggling to eat, the Republicans have decided that the thing to worry about is what I do with my uterus.  Instead let’s focus on the fact that only about 3% of what Planned Parenthood deals with relates to abortion, that not every Planned Parenthood offers abortion and that the best way to prevent unwanted pregnancies that lead to abortion is to provide comprehensive health care including affordable access to birth control, which Planned Parenthood provides. Let’s look at the fact that the Republicans in the House have already voted to DEFUND Planned Parenthood (AND PBS) but have decided to let NASCAR continue to receive 7 MILLION DOLLARS in funding that comes directly from taxpayer dollars. I don’t have anything against NASCAR but I’d rather have access to affordable health care and PBS. Why is it the Republican’s claim to want small government but there’s still room for them to insert themselves into my uterus? Why is it that NASCAR benefits but women suffer under Republicans?

On Women’s Issues: 

I have recently had several young women tell me that feminism is no longer necessary and it was okay, you know, in the past, but we are totally equal now. So let me just say to this…when women are equally represented in politics? We might be equal. When a woman winning an election is no longer news soley because of her gender? We might be equal. When politicians quit trying to win political points by screwing over women? We might be equal. When the pay gap is finally closed and women make the same money for the same work as men? We might be equal.  Until then, we need to keep fighting. 

On Women’s/black/latino, etc etc History Month: 

If I hear one more  white guy say “I don’t see why we need Women’s History Month or Black History Month, where’s White Man History month?” I will scream. I swear. NEWSFLASH. White Man History month is 365 days a year. They are the primary target in just about every history class, not because, as one student suggested “they are the only ones that did stuff” (I swear they actually said that and then my nervous tick came back. La la la.) but because they were the ones writing it down and they only recorded what they did.

Separation of Church and State 

Listen folks, I am a Sunday School teacher. I am a Christian. I believe there is one God, with a big G. I also believe in the separation of church and state.  I believe in that for two reasons. Because I may be a Christian, but the government of the United States needs to represent all of its citizens, and not everyone shares my beliefs. And I believe in it because separation of church and state goes both ways. I don’t want the government in my religion anymore than I want my religion in the government. People seem to have forgotten so much of America’s history. Namely, that many of our ancestors fled here to avoid religious persecution that was being sanctioned by the government. The separation was not only there to keep religion from deciding on how we govern, but also to keep the government from deciding on how we worship. 

On Civility in Politics: 

Look, I write a blog about my anger. Clearly, I am not a model of restraint and patience, here. That said, I think we should all be ashamed of how politics has devolved in the last few years. I had to have a conversation with my Sunday school class about politics. Why? Because they were talking about how they HATE Obama and he’s EVIL.  Now, clearly, I have a liberal slant here. I’m not going to deny it. But I didn’t preach to them that they should have voted for Obama or that their parents should have voted for Obama. Instead, I said that hate is wrong. If there’s anything that EVERYONE can take from the Bible, regardless of a myriad of (often twisted and out of context) interpretations, it’s that Jesus wants us to love each other.  When asked what the greatest command is, he said "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (NIV, Mark 12:28-31). I know and like the parents of these kids. But the kids didn’t pick up on Obama is evil, by themselves. We are to love each other, despite politics, despite everything.

Hearts and Roses

And now, a word about Valentine's Day.

I don't hate it. I am a single lady, and what I really hate? Is the idea that I should be marinating in some kind of stabby bitterness because of that.

So here are two thoughts:

1) In a world filled with negativity and flat out meanness, a holiday that celebrates love is not a bad thing.

2) Other people's happiness doesn't take anything away from me, or from you, so a holiday that celebrates people being happy together?  Doesn't make me less because I'm a person on my own.

Body Talk

Y'all, I apologize. I have sucked at updating so far this year. But the good news is, I have lots to be cranky about and I am going to lay some cranky on down the line for you RIGHT. NOW.

We're just a little over a month into the new year and people are still trying to do their New Year's Resolutions and either failing or succeeding and because we live in a world where your worth is measured by the size of your behind, many people have resolved to reduce those proportions.

I am not here to tell you should lose weight or that you shouldn't. My rear related concerns are typically much more about the amount of pain I'm feeling post workout, because my trainer enjoys making us all do squats on an almost pathological level.

Your body is your problem and you are the one who needs to be comfortable about it, not me. But because this is a blog where I shoot off my mouth about things that annoy me, I'm going to tell you what annoys me about other people's bodies. Maybe even YOUR body.

Ready?

Here we go.

I hate it when people feel compelled to put their own bodies down. "waaaah. my butt is too big, my boobs are too small, I have a muffin top, these pants make my butt look big, I'm so hideous! I hate my nose/eyebrows/ears/other unspecified body part because goodness knows that if it's permanent we will find a way to declare it ugly and horrible."

We all have things about ourselves that make us unhappy, but these little spiels of misery are generally aimed at either fishing for compliments or bringing other people down to your level and I HATE THAT. My problems with my body are the ways that it limits me. I want to do more, I want to do it faster, and I want to do it perfect. That last one is unreasonable, because of the many things that I am? PERFECT IS NOT ON THE LIST. But I'm doing my best. Instead of whining about how I hate my thighs, I'm doing squats until my gluteous is feeling maximus amounts of pain the next day. I got news for you, that's not going to reduce the size of my thighs, but they do increase the muscle mass I have to kicking people's butts when they whine.

What do you think people are going to say to you when you go "oooh, I'm soooo hideous, I wish I looked like a movie star...ooooh I hate myself?" Are they going to say "you're right! Have you considered surgery?"

Or standing around talking about how bad you feel about your body because you're so fat or so bony or so something and and and ...and everyone around you is forced to compare themselves to you and think "ugh, if she's that skinny and she thinks she's fat she must think I'm a cow".

So please, take a moment to think through the negative feelings you have about your body. And then? Talk to a shrink, start a blog, write some bad poetry, but please, PLEASE don't come talking to me about it. It's your body! Love it! Hate it if you must, but keep your body negs out of my positive space.