Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Simply Having A Wonderful Christmastime

Oh Christmas music. I love you....and hate you.

Here is the thing. Christmas music makes me cranky in two different directions. Because  I really do love Christmas music. I personally own at least 25 CDs of nothing but Christmas music. It ranges from super traditional (I'm looking at you, Bing Crosby) to the...less traditional (hello, Klezmonauts. I can't even tell you how many copies of Oy to the World we sold at the bookstore I used to work at. Crazy stuff.) and everything in between (including N'Sync and the Barenaked Ladies. I'm diverse).

Here's what I don't own. Not one single version of the Christmas Shoes. Okay? Because it sucks. IIt's not the worst Christmas song ever. It's the WORST SONG EVER. And there are some strong contenders for that title, I know. But this is a song about a little boy, whose mother is dying, and he wants to buy her shoes. So that she can look pretty for Jesus. Take a moment and think about that. So she can look pretty for Jesus. Right. But he doesn't have enough money so he asks the man in line behind him, who is narrating the song, and kind of cranky, to pay for the shoes, so his mom can LOOK PRETTY FOR JESUS. And the guy does. And then narrates that the little kid was clearly sent by God to help this man relearn the meaning of Christmas. So...that would be the little kid whose mother is dying. REALLY? REALLY?

Ok. So I know that there is Christmas music that is a condemnation of all music. But...when the Christmas Shoes comes on? I don't go forth with a wailing and gnashing of teeth and swear that I hate Christmas music. I...change the channel. Turn the volume down. Hit skip on Pandora.

So this is a double cranky post (Two! Two! Two Cranks in one!). I am cranky about terrible Christmas music! (This includes Do They Know It's Christmas, and Wonderful Christmas Time) AND I am cranky about people who rag on all Christmas music and instead of just...changing the station, sit there and crab about how awful Christmas music is (I recognize the hypocrisy of that statement on this blog, but this is kind of my schtick, people). The Christmas Shoes makes me want to punch someone. Since original singers New Song are not available for punching, I turn the song off.

So instead of complaining about Chesnuts Roasting on an Open Fire (and if you've got a problem with Jack Frost nipping at your nose, please refer to my earlier post complaining about people who complain about the cold) turn it to a different song. I've always enjoyed the Boris Karloff version of the Grinch song, personally.

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