Thursday, November 4, 2010

Are we still pretending thongs are comfortable?

Ok, folks. While we are on the subject of women's wear, let's talk about underpants. Men basically have three choices. Boxers, briefs, and for the adventurous, boxer briefs. Sure, I know there are man things and banana hammocks, but those are outliers. Most people dismiss them as only for the weirdest or skeeviest among us.

But ladies' underwear. Here is a partial list: Briefs. Modern Briefs. Cheekies. Bikini. Thong. Boyshorts. Hiphuggers. V -Strings. Hipster. G-String. Hi-Cut. I...I am a lady, and I don't know what some of these are. Granny panties are even on the list, so how do I know if I'm accidentally buying them. And by accidentally, I mean on purpose, because no one is going to see them, and they are totally the best. What is a V-String? And why...why...WHY are we still pretending that deliberately giving ourselves wedgies by wearing thongs is anything but uncomfortable?No one wants to see your thong peeking out of your jeans, and no one needs to know that you're so worried about panty lines that you've gone with a g-string (and just what is the difference between a G-String, a V-String and a thong, exactly?). You want to know how to avoid VPL? Wear the dreaded granny panty in a size that fits you correctly, and stop wearing your pants so tight they cut off circulation. Muffin top doesn't mean you're fat, it means your pants are too small, by the way. Just a thought.

And this isn't even addressing the issue of bras. Full coverage, half coverage, demi-cups, underwire, soft cups, padded cups, minimizers, WonderBras, push-ups, strapless, racer back...ARGH! Is it any wonder that something like 75% of women are wearing the wrong bra size? Who has time to worry about size when you can't figure out what KIND of bra to wear? And let us not forget about sports bras, the best of which are so oppressive that you can't breathe, and the worst of which are basically no different that wearing an extra tank top.

And if you're worrying about who else is going to be seeing your panties? Well, as long as they are clean, and not full of holes, does it matter? Because ladies, if the guy who are sleeping with looks at your underwear and changes his mind...he probably doesn't deserve to see it anyway (and is imaginary).

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